“What are you doing? Oh no, don’t roll over!” Addie cried as Smokey began to roll in the soft sand.
Her foot got caught in the stirrup, and she yelled as the weight of the horse pushed it into the sand.
“Oh no, oh no,” she whispered to herself, tugging her foot out from beneath him.
Wow - a sense of panic really hit me as I read this. Nice use of detail. Is this a story you are working on? I like it.
ReplyDeleteI really like this, I love the voice you use here, and I want to read more. Very good!
ReplyDeleteThanks! This is the story I wrote for Ann's BWW and changed for the childrens writing class. It has morphed significantly to first person and more dialogue. I still have more work to do on it!
ReplyDeleteGreat flash, PW. I can't wait to read more of your story.
ReplyDeleteThere's certainly a lot of tension in this one.
ReplyDelete